Picture of Dorie Eschenbacher
No Longer A Child
by Dorie Eschenbacher - Thursday, July 5, 2007, 3:28 PM
 

This was an interesting piece considering that the student who wrote it was 15 and still in 8th grade.  Obviously a struggling writer, however seeking growth through expression.  He shows insight through experience.

 
Picture of Liberty Usera
Re: No Longer A Child
by Liberty Usera - Thursday, July 5, 2007, 5:43 PM
 

While the student does show "insight through experience," the topic established in the first paragraph barely ties to the student's personal experience: Why is it important to bring up "Peter Pan Syndrome"? Where's the connection with the syndrome and the student's situation? Those questions need to be answered in the first paragraph containing the thesis statement. Of course, the question then becomes: What is the thesis statement and how does it connect with the personal experience? I understand the student is trying to use the personal experience as a means to support the student's main topic but what exactly is the main idea the student is trying to convey? Many questions, yes, but these questions arise from trying to justify scoring this paper for Ideas higher than a '3'. Further, scoring must avoid using the reader's personal response to the piece otherwise it defeats the purpose of using the 6-Traits.