Picture of Crystal Conklin
No title grade 9
by Crystal Conklin - Saturday, February 11, 2006, 9:50 PM
 
Whoa, I gave this a 2 when most gave a 4!  I REALLY LIKED the piece, but I wasn't sure what I liked was "voice;" I liked the description that was about everything BUT emotion, and I liked the topic, and I liked the flow, but I didn't think I connected with the character hardly at all.  I didn't feel any emotional highs or lows when reading.  There was nice sentence structure and punctuation contributing to some sense of voice, and it was interesting, but I thought the words could've helped out more with understanding the character's emotions.  Was I wrong?  Maybe all this other "stuff" can't be in place WITHOUT voice....  Comments anyone?  What do you think of my rationale?
 
Picture of Joe Krupp
Re: No title grade 9
by Joe Krupp - Wednesday, February 15, 2006, 7:28 PM
 
Hey, Crystal, I gave it a 4, but it took me a minute or two to get over the editing "conventions."  I thought 4 because the writer knew his/her stuff and went into pretty strong detail about it.  When I looked at the 3 criteria, those seemed to focus on generalities and not being as specific as a person could. 5 seemed to focus too much on high-quality content, and though I thought the content solid, it just didn't seem to be excellent.  As for emotion, the writer definitely had a passion for the topic and wanted to share it.
Picture of Gautham Akula
Re: No title grade 9
by Gautham Akula - Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 2:15 PM
 

Most gave this a four, but I gave it a three.

There's a voice.  Its cheeky. I think I've learned this week, I don't have to like the voice to give it a high score for voice. But what is also missing from this piece is details.  "Im always cold because Im weird."  What?  I don't understand that?

For the following two lines I ask the question, How show me, don't tell?

"My class mates think Im annoying when I be myself."

"Every time I try to do somting right or nice, in return I get “chewed up, spit out and foced to eat dirt,” instead of just a thank you.

Yes, this student took a risk and makes and engages the audience secrets from his life, but its not enough to reveal secrets to have compelling voice.

Later the writer becomes lighthearted and tries to play off their story. "I know I sound alittle paranoid about some of these things"  I can't trust this writer, so I stuck with three.  Why four and not three or two for that matter?

Gautham

Beirut, LB

Picture of Bonnie Staiger
Grade 9 Male Voices
by Bonnie Staiger - Thursday, July 1, 2010, 8:52 AM
 

I know, I am supposed to be objective, but I am soft-hearted.  It is clear that this writer has low self-esteem and struggles at school and at home.  Because he is willing to declare his thoughts and expose himself to the risk of telling how he feels, I would subjectively be more generous in my scoring.  I have this kind of male student.  They so want to jump high, but they are too short.  They want friendship from other males and be like men with power, but they are ignored or worse, bullied.  They hope for the attention of females, but their words and actions usually draw negative attention like pesky little brothers who are never taken seriously by the more mature girls.  These boys sit in the back of the room making fake body noises and poking each other.  If they do not try in class, they do not have to admit failure.  Who is at fault, the lack of voice in their writing, or the inability of "school" to support those less strong?  Without a portfolio I would not grade the paper.  According to the rubric I reluctantly agree that the rubric score is a 4.

Bonnie, Plymouth