Dennis O'Connor
Eating an Oreo
by Dennis OConnor - Monday, October 24, 2005, 6:51 PM
I'm posting this for Sanam. ~ Dennis

Name:  Sanam Nagji
title: Eating an Oreo
Voice: 5


I totally think Kelsey deserves a point 5! She has so compellingly engaged her reader (audience) in her personal experience of eating this divinely 'mouthwatering' everyday Oreo cookie. She has narrated in a clear and precise manner such that it got me actually visualizing each step in relishing the Oreo.
She is sharing this process directly at us as she will 'stop talking' so that we can share in her experience - which she has been confident enough to challenge and remind us 'the next time you eat an Oreo bond with it and become friends for a long time!' BRAVO.
Picture of Julie Severson
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Julie Severson - Wednesday, February 8, 2006, 6:54 PM

I agree with you about giving Kelsey a score of 5 representing an experienced writer.  Her vivid description almost made me want to eat an Oreo.  I personally do not eat them.  I actually avoid Oreos.  Her choices of words were very descriptive and full of imagery.  *heavenly Oreo   *open your mout but not too big    *greedy mouth

Julie Severson

Picture of Crystal Conklin
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Crystal Conklin - Saturday, February 11, 2006, 8:53 PM
I went with a four on this one.  It seemed like she absolutely has the idea of what she's supposed to do voice-wise but, rather than letting it flow naturally, ended up forcing it a bit--at least that's how it seemed to me.
Picture of Kassandra Bowen
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Kassandra Bowen - Tuesday, February 7, 2017, 2:47 PM

I felt it was forced a bit as well.

Picture of Dorothy Putz
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Dorothy Putz - Saturday, July 1, 2006, 10:23 AM
I don't know if this is the best place to add a comment since the previous comments come from last semester but here goes.  I disagree with the arguement posed for rating this a 5.  The author uses good word choice and adjectives to better describe the oreo but I felt that it could have been written by anyone in her class.  Isn't voice supposed to reflect something unique about the author?  A piece of themselves?  I felt it was a four for voice at best; the strength of the paper being held up by the other traits instead.
Picture of Beth Black
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Beth Black - Tuesday, February 23, 2010, 10:38 AM

Not sure if I should have added to this post, it's originally from '05/'06, but here it goes......  I gave this writer a 5!  While reading the piece I could picture a child standing in front of me eating the Oreo.  The writer completely engaged me in the writing.  It made me want Oreos & want to take my time while eating them to thoroughly enjoy them!

Picture of Sharmane Miller
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Sharmane Miller - Thursday, February 25, 2010, 8:47 PM

Hi Beth,

I couldn't agree with you more.  I too gave a 5 for voice because the piece was riddled with vivid details and wonderful word choice.  Did you check out her use of verbs?  Oh goodness!  Just about every sentence began with one: pick, twist, open, lick, peel, slice, eat, devour.  These made the writing so compelling because she was putting the reader "in the driver's seat" so to speak.  The writer was clearly passionate about what she was writing about and had a clear sense of audience.  Bravo!

I don't mind bonding with a heavenly Oreo right about now!

Sharmane (Nassau, Bahamas) 

Picture of Bonnie Staiger
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Bonnie Staiger - Thursday, July 1, 2010, 9:01 AM

What a fabulous incorporation of Voice in this step-by-step expository writing.  What would it sound like without the Voice?  For her age it is a talaent to be able to make the reader's mouth water.

Bonnie, Plymouth

Picture of Kathy Herzog
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Kathy Herzog - Tuesday, February 12, 2013, 1:12 PM

I gave the piece a 4.  I think the author has a good sense of voice, but could use a few minor revisions.  I guess I am a big stickler for convetions and have to move past that a little more!

Kathy, Plymouth

Picture of Julie Andracek
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Julie Andracek - Tuesday, February 12, 2013, 8:39 PM

I gave this writer a 5. I could totally taste the oreo melting in my mount as I read her piece. Well done and YUM!

Picture of Cynthia Rice
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Cynthia Rice - Wednesday, February 13, 2013, 6:12 PM

I also gave this writer a 5. It felt like he was standing beside me.

Picture of Kitty Guyer
Re: Eating an Oreo
by Kitty Guyer - Sunday, October 12, 2014, 12:17 AM

I gave this piece a 4 because I felt it was a little forced and almost over the top with the descriptive words. I thought it was cute and vivid, but missed a little of a natural flow.